she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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