Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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