you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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