Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
