Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
