NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize