sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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