So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
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The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
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Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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