why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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