yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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