I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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