I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
