Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
even my farts smell like vagina
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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