SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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