you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
