i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
