Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
