it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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