at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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