i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
