I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
