so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
