nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
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just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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