She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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