I met the friendliest cop last night
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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