Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
