Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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