This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
