cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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