You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
