i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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