why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
