I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
