Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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