he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
