none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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