he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
