Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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