You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
