Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize