She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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