i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
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i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
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Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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