I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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