cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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