I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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