Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
