I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
