he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
