Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
