I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize