i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
