in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The Olympian is in my bed
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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