just tell him i said nine months
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
