I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
