she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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