Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
