You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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