He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
