My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
