Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
