everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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