she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize